SMASH! BLAMMO! KER-POW!

I presume that we all have those days where you just, for lack of a better phrase, want to break things. Today was one of those days. This afternoon while I meandered online, I discovered something called cookie bark. You essentially just take a box of OREO's, smash them to bits, mix them into a bunch of melted chocolate, refridgerate, and BINGO. Cookie Bark. You could use any kind of cookie or chocolate, but in the pantry we had some Trader Joe Joe's (organic oreos), 14 oz of white candy chocolate and then a 10 oz package of nestle "holiday swirls". Again, these are just the ingredients that I chose for culinary Mayan sacrifice, you can name your own victims.
I had read the recipe a few hours ago, and I was a bit too...well, I wasn't in the mood to search through a few thousand recipes on allrecipe.com to find it. Besides, that meant going upstairs. Onward I forged, despite my extremely unreliable memory! I crushed the cookies with my bare hands for the first batch, and I used a spoon for the second. I prefer the first method, it is most satisfying for cookie destruction. Then I melted the white chocolate with my laser vision. You mere mortals could use a microwave, I suppose, or melt them on the stove top. Then...you mix them together. I didn't measure the oreo's out into the chocolate, I just kept adding handfuls and stirring until I didn't think there was enough chocolate left to coat anymore cookies. You just dump the goop out onto a cookie sheet (no greasing or wax paper necessary, it doesn't stick), sort of spread it out, and chill it for a while. It will cool faster than you think. It is probably done when you can't leave a mark, or indentation, after punch- er, pressing it. For the finale, hack the stuff to bits with a spoon or a spatula. Lots of vigorous stabbing motions, mind you. Then, you can eat it. The stabbing process results in lots of little chocolate/cookie bits that are similar to those delightful little bits of fried batter at Long John Silvers.

Cookie bark on the edge, man!



As you can see, they did not sustain the fall. I'm kidding, I used a spatula. note: cookie bits ala Long John Silver's in the foreground.


Red, green, and white make brown when you melt them. I never mastered the color wheel, and I was surprised when this happened.

Shortly after this photo was taken, the cookie bark was found dead. Some crazy broad stabbed him until he was virtually unrecognizable. The remains were deemed unfit for this blog.

I will admit, the white chocolate produced better bark than the holiday swirl things. Both were too sweet for my personal tastes, but I didn't really care. I'm not the one eating this stuff, I just wanted to crush some cookies.